I am back again to drinking my coffee black and it feels superior.

At some point in the last few years, I was manipulated by the globohomo communist lizard-human hybrids to put oat milk in my coffee. Not just regular oat milk, but the super-thick and creamy barista kind that they charge a premium for. Sure, they make it thicker and creamier by putting weird shit in it, but whatever, it tasted fucking awesome. At least, that is what they deceived me into believing using clever targeted tactics taken straight from the KGB's TTP playbook.

I also stopped using coffee pods and went back to brewing because I believe those are part of another global conspiracy against me. This time, it's not the communists, but rather the Swiss. I haven't fully figured out what the Swiss have against me or why they were using alien technology to make me use coffee pods that cost $2 a pop, but I am certain I will figure it out someday.

Okay, anyway. I'm back to drinking pure American-brewed drip Colombian mixed with Arabica coffee with nothing other than American hot water from the tap. It's very liberating.

I also get back to reminding people of my superiority because I drink my coffee black. Society doesn't explicitly recognize us as superior, but if you think about it, it does do so in more subtle ways.

Imagine you need a hero. Like a real man. A true badass.

You're like "ooooommmg I neeed a heeeeeerrrrrro. Where have all the black coffee drinkers gone???"

You look around and you see some 5-foot-nothing-tall Canuck drinking a double-double from Tim Hortons. It's basically a milkshake at that point, right?

But then in walks some 5-foot-eleven-but-almost-six-foot-so-lets-just-call-it-six-foot-particularly-if-we-measure-in-the-morning stud drinking a large black coffee with nothing in it. No cream. No sugar. No flavoring.

Who are you going to ask to be your hero?

Choose wisely. Your cat's about to be eaten by the Haitians.